Part 2: Identity Crisis
No matter what kind of hero we are, flying across the sky, we all have an identity to be used during the light of day. Whether it is a famous playboy of Gotham or a nerdy journalist of Metropolis, the cover is the same, worldly, materialistic, boring, ordinary and sometimes unnoticeable.
I had a hell week. And no matter how strong I thought I was, I was beaten up in a rather bad shape. There are things that people told me that either pissed me off, or freaked me out.
A technician after seeing my business card asked “Why does your card say Web Developer and you do IT?” I didn’t have an answer for him, because really, I’m just doing the shit without any recognition.
Alvin asked me after seeing a design for an email blast ads “Who designed that ad? Doesn’t look like yours at all”. I agree. And to me it’s a crisis. I’m a designer. I have my style, my principles, and trends. I let all that go just to rush things out of the door. I have a design identity crisis.
I’m tired and bitchy all week. Just like Superheroes power, design is my only strength. And unlike them who was born with it, I got to where I am with hard work and a lot of perseverance. These days it seems I gave that up too easily to turn back into my very mundane and boring shell of a daylight hero. I feel like I’m losing myself.
I looked at jobsdb. And the moment you start looking there are so many opportunities out there. There are so many things I could have learned and I could have done. It made me wonder.
I spent the entire Sunday out. Company event from 8am to 3pm. Then I had to go attend Gean’s farewell dinner until about 10pm. Tomorrow I had to rush 2 deadlines and go for a staff dinner. All of that, sometimes it made me ask myself, what for?
Meeting my bunch of NOC friends really make me wonder too. They moved on, FAST. And it set me wondered, was my 1 year of learning to be an entrepreneur a waste? I used to talk to CEO of big pharmaceuticals company without fear or hesitation. Why am I giving up the power to lead myself to become a guy that listen to orders? Man I could even defend a design or stand by a quotation. Just like Superman under the pressure of kryptonite, I’m in agony…
So I’ll guess I have 11 more weeks to commit to what I’m trying to do. Each of them I’ll do my best and re-evaluate my chances. Never in the past 6 months have i considered the possibility of moving on so dearly. But it’s about time.
Because just like superheroes, no matter what identity that I have, the moment I give up my core power and my ability to grow, I’ll just be an ordinary, boring, mundane and unnoticeable person…