Part 5: Random thoughts
Today my colleague said “You are very scary. You worked too fast”. I guess the nature of Pace does have a benefit. However, the bad side of this is, because of my ability to process too many things at the same times, I tend to think too much.
I caught up with my NUS friends on Saturday for about 10 hours (the whole day). It was really fun seeing them again. We compared notes about how life has been. For a fact, when we compare about our work, I felt left behind. It’s not just the matter of number appear in our payroll (in which account I’m grossly pathetically behind. Really, my friend screamed “You are kidding right?”), it’s the matter of how far we have moved on with our life as the person we wished to be. It surprised me, because as a person who always strike forward and go beyond, it’s so easy how I gave up on being that ONE PERSON I wanted to be.
Enough has been said. I made my plan and I’ll stick to it. If you cant change the environment you are in, change the environment you are in. If you cant change the world, at least don’t let the world change you.
I’m glad for the one simple fact that I am still who I am. I never compromise the quality of my work no matter how unfair or tired or frustrated I felt. In fact, I tend to go beyond and provide extra stuffs. I’m glad to never be afraid of the title or the label people put on me. I’m still striving forward.
My family is coming over in 18 days. As a small town boy from Vietnam, I came pretty far. My parents are anxious to get out of the country for a change. I made it happen. And I’m proud of myself for making it. 5 years of being on my own, I finally can repay the love and the care my parents have given me. I sometimes wished life could have been easier on me, being a rich kid and all and don’t have to struggle so much for every damn thing that I earn and deserve to have. But not for moment I regret it for living the life I did. I’m stronger because I was weak. And it’s really corny and cliche, but I’m richer because I was poor.
After that I will go full force on making changes at my job. If it’s futile to hit a wall with your head, I’ll hit it with a tank of determination. I deserve better. I know it and I believe my employer is smart enough to see it. If not, I just have to accept the fact that I outgrown the space that is allowed for me, and move on to a bigger space.
Because it’s the nature of me. I seek the meaning of life beyond what people said it should be.